she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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