I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
