Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
