the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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