ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

  Fav 31 8378 1676

  share tweet
  

• (786): View more from Florida

  hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

  Fav 8 5337 1785

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.

  Fav 20 2199 4627

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.

  Fav 9 1338 2478

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.

  Fav 4 2622 1006

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.

  Fav 6 2105 1002

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

  Fav 9 4334 984

  share tweet
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.

  Fav 2 2095 767

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?

  Fav 13 1709 1242

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day

  Fav 5 1082 1796

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�

  Fav 3 1027 654

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies

  Fav 1 670 385

  share tweet
  

• (947): View more from Michigan

  if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee

  Fav 1 848 337

  share tweet
  

• (755): View more from

  You literally chaperoned my booty call.

  Fav 2 385 251

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here

  Fav 1 319 407

  share tweet
  

Randomize