Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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