im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
