Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
