I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
