Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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