Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
