i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can tuck mytits in my pants
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
