we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
