there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
