i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
