so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
