At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
