Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
