Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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