Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
