Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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