whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
