I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
