His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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