i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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