I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
