found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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