You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
