Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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