Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
