his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
