Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
