I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
