Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
