i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
