yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
