So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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