1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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