White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
