Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
