I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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