We're facebook friends in real life
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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