Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(713): View more from Texas

wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

(281): View more from Texas

umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

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(773): View more from Illinois

so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

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(440): View more from Ohio

if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

(619): View more from California

with a huge shlong

(440): View more from Ohio

massive. i wanna make bitches cry

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(818): View more from California

you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

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(631): View more from New York

i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.

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(714): View more from California

can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?

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