I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
