so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
