Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
