he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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