I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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