their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
