You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
